What Makes a Good Mentor?

I’ve been mentoring students for a long time now, and if you’d asked me at the start what made a good mentor, I’d have said something about expertise. Know your subject. Have the right answers. Be a step ahead.

I still think knowledge matters. But I’ve come to believe it’s not the main thing. The best mentors I’ve known — and the moments I’m proudest of — had almost nothing to do with having answers, and everything to do with being present.

A mentor listens more than they talk

The temptation, especially early on, is to fill the silence with wisdom. But most students don’t need another lecture; they get plenty of those. What they rarely get is someone who will listen long enough to understand the real question underneath the one they asked.

Some of the most important things I’ve done as a mentor happened when I said very little — when I simply paid attention, asked one more question, and let a student hear themselves think out loud.

Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak. — James 1:19

A mentor believes in you before you do

Almost everyone I’ve mentored has, at some point, doubted whether they belonged. “I’m too old.” “I’m not smart enough.” “It’s too late for me.” A mentor’s job, at those moments, is to hold a hope the student can’t yet hold for themselves — and to keep holding it until they can.

A mentor walks at your pace

Growth has a rhythm, and it’s rarely the rhythm of a syllabus. Life interrupts. Seasons change. A good mentor doesn’t panic when a student slows down; they adjust, encourage, and keep the relationship going. Faithfulness, not speed, is the goal.

That’s the kind of mentorship we try to offer at Day Lily. Not experts dispensing information from a distance, but companions who will listen well, believe in you, and walk with you — however long the road, and whatever pace it takes.